100 Funny Things to Write in a Birthday Card

There’s nothing quite like giving someone a birthday card that makes them actually laugh out loud. Birthdays are already packed with cake, candles, and awkwardly sung songs—why not top it off with something hilarious inside the card? Whether you’re writing to a friend, boyfriend, dad, or that one coworker who lives off office snacks, the goal is the same: make them smile, chuckle, or snort-laugh before they even open their gift.

Read our blog on 250 birthday wishes

So, what do you write that’s funny but not too weird? Quirky but still personal? We’ve got you.

Below are 200 hilarious one-liners, zingers, and birthday card messages broken down by category so you’ll always have the perfect joke to fit the occasion. Here’s the first batch, and yes, it’s only getting funnier from here.

🎉 What to Write in a Birthday Card for Him

• 🧁 1. Happy birthday! You’re not getting older, just becoming a classic.
• 🎂 2. Congrats! You’re now old enough to know better, but still young enough to do it anyway.
• 🍻 3. It’s your birthday! Time to act your shoe size, not your age.
• 🎈 4. Don’t worry about your age. The older you get, the better you don’t look.
• 🥳 5. Birthdays are nature’s way of telling you to eat more cake. So… you’re welcome.
• 🪅 6. You’re aging like milk. Sour, chunky, and starting to smell.
• 🎁 7. Happy birthday to the guy who still hasn’t figured out how to text back on time.
• 🕺 8. You’re not old—just retro. And slightly dusty.
• 🎉 9. This birthday, may your Wi-Fi be strong and your hangovers be weak.
• 🍺 10. The only six-pack you’re seeing today is the one in the fridge.

🧔 What to Write in a Birthday Card for Dad

• 🎈 11. Happy birthday, Dad! Thanks for pretending you liked all those ugly ties over the years.
• 🎉 12. Another year older, and still blaming the remote for being lost.
• 🛠️ 13. You’ve reached the age where your back goes out more than you do.
• 🥩 14. You’re not old, Dad—you’re “vintage man cave” old.
• 🧢 15. May your jokes get funnier and your naps get longer.
• 🧻 16. Happy birthday to the guy who taught me how to fix everything… by hitting it twice.
• 🚗 17. Another year, another reason to tell that same story “back in my day…”
• 🥳 18. You’re the only guy I know who considers mowing the lawn a hobby.
• 📺 19. Congrats on another year of controlling the thermostat like a boss.
• 🪑 20. Your dad jokes are so strong, they’ve entered legendary status.

👩‍👧 What to Write in a Birthday Card for Mom

• 🎂 21. Happy birthday, Mom! I was going to get you something amazing… but then I remembered you already have me.
• 🧁 22. Another year, another wrinkle—still fabulous though.
• 🛒 23. Thanks for all the times you said “because I said so.” Iconic.
• 🧽 24. Mom, you’re aging backwards—just like your memory.
• 💅 25. Happy birthday to the woman who taught me sarcasm before I could walk.
• 🍷 26. You’re not old, you’re just well-seasoned… like your cooking.
• 📱 27. Another year of trying to figure out how your phone works!
• 🛍️ 28. Hope your birthday is more relaxing than explaining how Netflix works again.
• 🧘 29. Birthday candles? You might need the fire extinguisher nearby just in case.
• 🛏️ 30. Enjoy your day! You’ve earned it after surviving me.

💌 Nice Things to Write in a Birthday Card

• 🌟 31. You make the world a brighter, funnier place—especially today.
• 🎁 32. May your birthday be filled with laughter, love, and zero group texts.
• 🎉 33. Wishing you a year of great memories and even better hair days.
• 🎈 34. You deserve all the cake and none of the calories.
• 🕺 35. May your smile stay wide, your coffee strong, and your inbox empty.
• 🥳 36. Birthdays are life’s way of celebrating you. So celebrate hard.
• 🍰 37. You’re not older, just more unforgettable.
• 🌼 38. If birthdays had a VIP section, you’d be in it.
• 🌈 39. Hope your day is as fabulous as your playlist.
• 🎂 40. Birthdays come and go, but amazing people like you? One of a kind.

🧑‍💼 What to Write in a Birthday Card for a Coworker

• ☕ 41. Happy birthday! May your coffee be strong and your inbox be empty.
• 📎 42. Another year older, still not promoted. But hey—cake!
• 🖨️ 43. Don’t worry, your age is still younger than the office printer.
• 🧃 44. Hope your birthday is as drama-free as a company Zoom call without video.
• 🪙 45. Just remember: birthdays are like deadlines. They sneak up on you fast.
• 🍩 46. Happy birthday to the only reason I show up to work on time (for cake).
• 🗂️ 47. You deserve a raise… in birthday hugs, not actual salary—budget cuts.
• 📅 48. Congrats! You’ve aged a year and survived another 52 weeks of spreadsheets.
• 🧁 49. May your day be less “urgent email” and more “unexpected treat.”
• 🔒 50. Your birthday is safe with me—HR doesn’t need to know how old you really are.

💘 What to Write in a Birthday Card for Boyfriend

• 🍔 51. Happy birthday to the guy who stole my heart—and also my fries.
• 🎮 52. You may be older, but you’ll always be my favorite player 1.
• 💋 53. Here’s to another year of tolerating my shopping habits. Love you!
• 🍕 54. You age like pizza—still hot, still irresistible.
• 🎸 55. Happy birthday to the only man I’d share my dessert with.
• 📱 56. I would’ve written you a long heartfelt message, but memes felt more appropriate.
• 💤 57. Even when you snore like a bear, I still love you.
• 🐻 58. I thought about wrapping myself as your present… but then I got cold.
• 🏆 59. You’re the best thing to happen to me—besides free Wi-Fi.
• 🍿 60. Happy birthday, babe. I’d watch your favorite movie again for you today. That’s love.

🐣 Cute Things to Write in a Birthday Card

• 🎈 61. You make life sweeter than birthday cake.
• 🧁 62. Happy birthday! You’re the sprinkles to my cupcake.
• 🐻 63. I’d write you a love song, but this card will have to do.
• 🍓 64. You’re cuter than a kitten in a teacup. Yeah, I said it.
• 🎀 65. If I had a star for every time you made me smile, I’d have a galaxy.
• 🎉 66. Here’s to another year of stealing my heart and snacks.
• 🌻 67. Happy birthday! You light up rooms (and sometimes my phone screen at 2am).
• 🌈 68. You age like a rainbow—more beautiful with every color (and year).
• 🎁 69. I hope your day is full of sunshine, naps, and zero responsibilities.
• 🧸 70. You’re officially older, but don’t worry—you’re still my favorite human burrito.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Things to Write in a Birthday Card for a Friend

• 🥳 71. You’re the kind of friend everyone wishes they had—except I actually do.
• 🎂 72. Congrats on surviving another trip around the sun with me in your life.
• 🍕 73. I’d share my pizza with you. That’s how much I like you.
• 🎈 74. Our friendship is like a good bra: supportive, uplifting, and hard to find.
• 🧃 75. Here’s to another year of bad decisions and even better stories.
• 🚗 76. You’ve aged, but at least you didn’t grow up. Proud of you.
• 🧁 77. Let’s pretend we’re still young, reckless, and have no responsibilities. Just for today.
• 📸 78. You’re the only person I’d willingly take 37 selfies with.
• 🎁 79. Happy birthday to the only person who gets my weird texts and weirder humor.
• 🕺 80. You make life funnier, messier, and way more memorable. Thanks for being you.

🍬 Sweet Things to Write in a Birthday Card

• 🍰 81. You make life taste better, laugh louder, and feel lighter. Happy birthday!
• 🍯 82. If birthdays had flavors, yours would be extra sweet with a hint of awesome.
• 🧁 83. May your heart be full, your cake be big, and your nap be long.
• 🌸 84. You deserve all the good things today… and every day after.
• 🍓 85. You’re the kind of person who makes this world feel like home.
• 💖 86. Sending you more love than there are candles on your cake—yes, that much.
• 🍦 87. You’re the cherry on top of everyone’s life. But especially mine.
• 🎀 88. Hope your day is filled with tiny joys and zero Zoom calls.
• 🎈 89. Happy birthday! May your day sparkle brighter than your highlight.
• 🍬 90. Your heart is even sweeter than your dessert tray. And that’s saying something.

👩 What to Write in a Birthday Card for Mom

• 🧁 91. Happy birthday to the woman who raised me, fed me, and somehow still loves me.
• 🍷 92. You deserve a break today. Actually, you deserve a break every day.
• 💐 93. Here’s to you, Mom—the original superhero without a cape.
• 🎂 94. I turned out amazing. You’re welcome… and also, happy birthday.
• 📺 95. I’d buy you a spa day, but this card was cheaper. Still counts, right?
• 🧹 96. Thanks for everything you do, including all the stuff I still pretend not to know about.
• 📚 97. Mom, you’ve taught me love, patience, and how to hide shopping bags.
• 🛋️ 98. Birthdays are the one day you’re allowed to sit down for 5 minutes without being interrupted.
• 🛒 99. May your birthday be filled with quiet, candles, and zero chores.
• 🧸 100. Happy birthday to the mom who deserves a trophy… and maybe a margarita.

There you have it—100 laugh-worthy, heartfelt, and totally reusable things to write in a birthday card. From snappy one-liners to sweet sentiments, this list covers it all—whether it’s for your dad, boyfriend, mom, best friend, or that coworker who always steals the stapler.

The key to writing a great birthday message? Keep it light, keep it real, and make it feel just like you. Humor is one of the best gifts we can give—besides actual gifts, of course.

Let me know if you want the next 100 to complete the full 200 Funny Things to Write in a Birthday Card—we’ll keep the fun going, one emoji-number at a time!