20 Things to Discuss Before Marriage

Before you walk down the aisle, there’s something even more important than the wedding day: the conversations you have leading up to it. Marriage is more than love—it’s about building a shared life, and that means tackling the tough stuff before you say “I do.”

Wondering what those topics are? Here are 20 essential things to discuss before marriage—honestly, openly, and without judgment.

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1. Children and Parenting

Do you both want kids? How many? What values will you raise them with? Discuss parenting styles, discipline, and fertility expectations—before the pressure hits.

2. Finances and Debt

Be honest about income, savings, debt, and credit. Will you combine bank accounts? Who manages bills? Money stress breaks many marriages—talk it out early.

3. Career Goals and Work-Life Balance

Are you both career-driven? Will one stay home with future kids? How much time is too much at work? Clarity avoids future resentment.

4. Living Arrangements

Where will you live? City or suburbs? Near family or far away? Will you rent or buy? Your environment impacts your peace—choose it together.

5. Religion and Beliefs

Do you share the same faith? If not, how will you navigate holidays, worship, and raising kids? Spiritual differences need mutual respect.

6. Handling Conflict

How do each of you argue? Do you shut down or explode? Learn each other’s conflict styles and agree on healthy ways to resolve issues.

7. Sex and Intimacy

Discuss sexual needs, boundaries, desires, and expectations. Yes, it can feel awkward—but intimacy is foundational to connection.

8. In-Laws and Extended Family

What role will your parents play in your lives? How often will you visit? Set boundaries and protect your new family unit.

9. Daily Responsibilities

Who does the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and grocery shopping? Don’t assume—divide and conquer intentionally.

10. Mental Health and Wellness

Talk about past traumas, therapy, emotional triggers, and how you support one another’s mental health. Marriage is not therapy—but it should be safe.

11. Communication Styles

Do you text all day or prefer space? Do you need words of affirmation or acts of service? Learn how you both give and receive love.

12. Hobbies and Independence

Will you have separate interests? Is it okay to spend time apart? Independence inside marriage keeps things healthy and vibrant.

13. Social Life and Friendships

How social are you both? Will weekends be for friends, family, or quiet time? Do you need alone time to recharge?

14. Lifestyle Habits

What’s your idea of a fun night—Netflix or a club? Are your routines aligned? It’s the daily rhythms that shape your life together.

15. Expectations Around Change

What if one of you wants to move abroad? Or go back to school? Or switch careers? Can your marriage flex as life evolves?

16. Pet Ownership

Do you want pets? Who will care for them? It’s a small thing—until it’s not. Pets are part of the family too.

17. Life Goals and Bucket Lists

What dreams do you have—together and individually? Alignment here builds excitement for the journey ahead.

18. Dealing With Crisis

How will you support each other during sickness, job loss, or grief? Talk now—before the storms come.

19. Boundaries with Exes or Past Relationships

Is it okay to stay friends with exes? What contact is acceptable? Be upfront. Respect each other’s comfort zones.

20. Definition of a Successful Marriage

What does marriage mean to you? What are your non-negotiables, deal-breakers, and hopes? Define your vision together.

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Why are these conversations so important?

Because marriage isn’t a fairytale. It’s a real-life partnership that thrives on communication, trust, and mutual understanding.

Will you agree on everything? Probably not. But that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection.

So talk. Laugh. Cry. Ask uncomfortable questions. Lean into honesty, even when it’s hard. These discussions aren’t just preparation—they’re foundation. They show you’re not just planning a wedding…

You’re planning a life.