5 Most Common Reasons for Divorce in the US

Survey research on divorce consistently finds that the same causes appear at the top of the list across different populations and time periods. Lack of commitment, communication breakdown, and infidelity account for a large share of all divorces. Financial conflict, incompatibility, and substance abuse round out the most common reasons. What these categories share is that most of them are either addressable before they become fatal to the marriage or are predictable from patterns that precede the marriage itself.

Research by Hawkins and Fackrell found that 73% of divorced individuals cited “lack of commitment” as a major reason for their divorce — making it by far the most commonly reported factor, though it is rarely a cause on its own and usually reflects accumulated distance over time.

1. Lack of Commitment

The most frequently cited reason for divorce in US survey research is lack of commitment from one or both partners. This encompasses a range of specific behaviors: emotional unavailability, unwillingness to invest in the relationship’s maintenance, prioritizing other areas of life to a degree that leaves the marriage neglected, and the general failure to treat the relationship as something that requires ongoing effort.

Lack of commitment is often not the original cause of a marriage’s decline — it is the description of what the decline looked like over time. A marriage that was not regularly invested in gradually stops feeling like a priority for both partners. Emotional distance grows. The repair efforts that might have sustained it earlier become less likely to be initiated. By the time divorce is considered, the commitment has been absent for long enough that reclaiming it would require substantial, sustained effort that both parties may no longer be motivated to make.

2. Communication Breakdown and Conflict

Chronic communication problems — particularly the inability to resolve conflict — are cited as major factors in a large percentage of divorces. Researcher John Gottman’s work identified four communication patterns that are the strongest predictors of divorce: contempt (treating a partner with disdain), criticism (attacking character rather than addressing behavior), defensiveness (responding to concerns with counter-attacks), and stonewalling (shutting down communication entirely).

Couples who argue poorly — who escalate, who never reach resolution, who say things during conflict that permanently damage the relationship — gradually build a history of interactions that erodes trust and goodwill. Many couples report that they went through extended periods where they could not have a conversation about a meaningful topic without it ending badly. Over time, they stop trying to have those conversations, and the relationship loses the depth that sustains it through difficult periods.

3. Infidelity

Extramarital affairs are among the most commonly cited reasons for divorce, though they are often precipitated by the communication breakdown and emotional distance described above. The impact of infidelity on a marriage depends significantly on whether the affair is disclosed and how it is handled afterward. Some marriages survive infidelity when both partners are committed to recovery and willing to do the work of rebuilding trust. Many do not — either because the betrayed partner cannot recover the trust, or because the affair reflects a deeper incompatibility or dissatisfaction that has not been addressed.

Research suggests that emotional affairs — in which a partner forms a deeply intimate non-sexual connection with someone else — are increasingly cited in divorce proceedings, particularly as digital communication makes emotional affairs easier to develop and harder to categorize.

4. Financial Conflict

Money is one of the most consistent sources of conflict in marriages across income levels. Financial conflict includes disagreement about spending and saving priorities, hidden debt or financial secrets, unequal financial contribution combined with unequal financial control, different attitudes toward risk and economic planning, and the stress that financial hardship places on a relationship regardless of who is responsible for it.

Research on marital satisfaction consistently finds that financial arguments are among the most difficult to resolve and among those most predictive of divorce. Financial disagreements tend to be about more than money — they often reflect deeper differences in values, priorities, and life philosophy that were not fully visible before the marriage had to function as a joint financial enterprise.

5. Incompatibility and Growing Apart

The fifth most common reason is the category that encompasses all the specific incompatibilities that become apparent over time: different values, different visions for the future, different expectations about lifestyle and family, and the simple reality that two people who were compatible in their twenties may have developed in directions that are no longer compatible by their thirties or forties.

Growing apart — sometimes called irreconcilable differences in legal filings — is not always anyone’s fault. People change. Identities evolve. The person someone was when they married may be genuinely different from who they become over a long marriage. When those changes take partners in incompatible directions, and when neither person is willing or able to adjust sufficiently to restore compatibility, divorce often follows.

For a broader perspective on what this means in practice, 100 reasons to get divorced covers the full spectrum of what brings people to this decision, and 20 bad reasons to get divorced addresses what the serious causes look like in contrast to the ones that typically do not warrant it.